We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
