Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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