His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Randomize
