No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
