Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
