I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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