Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
