I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
