Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so much tequila, so little girl.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize