Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
