why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Did I show you my penis last night?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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