On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
