he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
