Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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