I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
