I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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