I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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