there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
