Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
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I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
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I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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