She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
