Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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