he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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