somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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