Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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