Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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