It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
