whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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