I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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