i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
