I think my fart just growled at me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
