We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
