Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
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Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
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I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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