his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it hurts more in the daytime
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
