The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize