My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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