I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
