We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
