I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
