Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
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he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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