No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
