I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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