I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
