Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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