Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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