my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
