I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
