I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
