After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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