I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
