also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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