I'm jealous of your bromance
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
