i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
