I'm jealous of your bromance
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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