I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
sarcasm needs its own font
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
