He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
