I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
