Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
