and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
