I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
