Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
