apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
