If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
