You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
