so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
