Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
