you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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