Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
